Episode 82: When It’s Unfair
What is fair, what is unfair, and who gets to decide have been prevalent topics in our coaching and our lives recently. What do we do when we feel like we aren’t getting what we deserve despite believing we have done everything we were supposed to do? We tackle all of this, and more, on the latest episode of the Inside Job Podcast.
We know that making sense of “unfair” situations is at the very heart of the inside job. If we don’t do the work when we feel slighted, then we can become emotionally arrested. The longer these situations become unresolved the more resentment we build up and the more toxic the situation will feel. We must break the cycle and find a better path forward.
So what are our options?
We need to start by noticing what’s happening on the“ladder of inference”, a tool we reference and explain during our conversation. In doing so we can notice how we are assigning meaning to what’s happened, how we are allowing assumptions to become reality, and how we are populating simple stories with partial data and biases. We need to move from our own subjectivity about the situation to one with more objectivity, often by getting clearer about the motives and intentions of others who are involved.
Sometimes this work will help us understand that things were fairer than we realized. And sometimes, it will turn out that we were right–things are unfair. When unfairness is reality, we have to work through sense-making, acceptance, choice, and action. It’s an uncomfortable and painful place to be--you don’t have to get over it, but you do have to do something about it. You must choose the pain you are willing to sustain for the best possible outcome for you.
In this episode, we help you determine how to do that in a conscious and deliberate way. We also talk about the origin of the phrase “Johnny on the spot” and why it’s not just a portable toilet company in the Northeast.
You can listen to the episode below or on your favorite podcast platform. Follow us on social media (all over @insidejobpodcast) for ongoing discussions and articles related to this topic.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
The origin of the phrase, “Johnny on the spot”
David Rock’s SCARF model
Jennifer Garvey Berger: Simple Stories
Mark Manson article on choosing your pain
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