Ever had an argument with a colleague at work? Been blindsided by a response to an idea in a meeting? Fought with your workplace best friend? We thought so. Us, too! Sometimes, workplace relationships just go south.

We cover three things we think of truths when it comes to workplace relationships in pain:

• Some workplace conflict is inevitable

• Sometimes we work with people who act like jerks

• Sometimes we act like jerks

The workplace is full of decisions, tradeoffs, pressures and high stakes, and many of these are associated with strong emotions, and sometimes, conflict. When conflict happens, many of us feel hurt, disappointed, even targeted, which rubs up against our human desire to have harmony and get along at work.  Is that always the goal?  We ask our clients (and ourselves) about the continuum between being respected and liked (or feared and loved – thank you, Michael Scott). We argue that conflict can be healthy and productive, as long as it stays respectful, safe and there’s a pathway forward.

Second, we offer that when we face bad behavior from others at work, it’s not enough to follow the guidance to give courageous feedback…That may be a best practice, but it doesn’t adequately offer us a way to make sense of being on the receiving end of someone else’s outburst.  Nayla offers a story that illustrates a few ideas for sense-making of a workplace relationship gone wrong. We explore the idea of taking ourselves out of the leading actor role in someone else’s movie, and how to explore the limits of our responsibility for someone’s else actions.

Finally, we admit that each of us has been the jerk at work.   These are times when we believe we bear 100% responsibility for our actions (even though that’s difficult!) and that the inside job is about getting better at anticipating, understanding and managing our own behaviors. We explore ideas of body awareness and reflection, and the role of a honest apology when it’s necessary.

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Resources we mention in this episode:

• The Great Michael Scott on the Fear/Love continuum:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4M8fqD0wyM

• The three conversations concept (fact, feelings, identity) comes from the work of the Triad Group: https://stoneandheen.com/books

• This is Water, by David Foster Wallace

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• Email us with your questions, thoughts or ideas for future conversations at info@insidejobthepodcast.com.

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