One of the most significant relationships in our lives is the one we have with our boss. It’s a relationship that can make or break our day, and which has a significant impact on our emotional well-being.

Like all meaningful and important relationships, the one with your manager takes effort, communication, and conscious contributions from both parties. Yet it can be a difficult one to navigate because of the different personalities, power structures, assumptions, and expectations at play at any one time. So it’s no surprise that several of our listeners submitted questions to us about how to improve the way their relationship works with their manager.

In this episode – part 1 of 2 on the subject – we respond to questions about how to work with a manager whose attitude is “hot and cold”, and what to do with a boss who is vague about their expectations. These two situations will show up in a variety of ways in the workplace, which allows for a rich conversation about the responsibilities of all parties involved.

We begin by discussing the difference between being a manager and being a leader, and therefore between asking to be managed and asking to be led. The differences are important because as employees it’s important for you to know what your needs are. Do you need teaching or training or managing or coaching? What you need will differ depending on how long you’ve been in a role and how high your level of competency is for the skills in the role.

We also talk about the fact that managers may or may not be accurately assessing your individual needs, especially if they lead large teams. Your ability to put a name to what you are experiencing and to ask specifically for what you need from them can be a huge positive boost to the relationship. You might actually be surprised by how well it’s received and how much it’s appreciated.

Throughout the episode, we highlight the nuances of this important relationship and offer our advice about ways to talk about your emotions, experiences, and perspectives in meaningful ways that lead to all parties saying good things about each other at dinner each night.

As always, we’d love to hear what’s on your mind and what you think we should talk about in an upcoming episode.

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